Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
