this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
