I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My dick has a subreddit
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
