It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
