I accidentally burped into my bong.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
