I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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