I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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