JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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