I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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