How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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