his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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