remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
