Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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