i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
