I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
