Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
