I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
