im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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