I'm going to jail i love you
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Sober January is a disaster.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
