i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
