just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize