Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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