apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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