Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize