I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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