I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
