so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
