All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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