They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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