Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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