The best revenge is premature balding
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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