If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
