He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
