God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
