Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I will pee on everything he values.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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