good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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