I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
