hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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