I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
