Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
