After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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