I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
