why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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