i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
