You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
