I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
