Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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