i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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