Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
