Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
