and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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