she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
