Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
