Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My penis needs a shock collar
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
