What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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