Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
