You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
