Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
