I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
