I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
