i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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