i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
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