Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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