are you still at the devil's house?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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