Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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