Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
