You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
