bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
