god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
