yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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