If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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