he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize