Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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