yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
