My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
