dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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