AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
