Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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