You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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