It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
