What a fucking waste of an outfit
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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