I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
