I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
