Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
