Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize