yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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