I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sundayâ€
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